how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
