Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize