Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
now i know why i became what i already was.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
