The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
