You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
