I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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