You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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