I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
