M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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