been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
