I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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