i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she peed on how many people?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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