Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
