Pants 0. Shit 1.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
