its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
