Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
