It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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