honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
