Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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