sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
