i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
