either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
