Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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