the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Randomize
