Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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