just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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