I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
