Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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