I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
