the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
