I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
