I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
