is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
