and you said cock pushups were impossible
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
