Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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