from now on my penis is your penis
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
