Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
