areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish I only lived at night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
