Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize