please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
