I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
