OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
