You just made me feel so damn special
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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