I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
