At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
