I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
