Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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