im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
