ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
