I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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