just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
