her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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