Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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