i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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