worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
