My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
