so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
