so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
