We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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