Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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