Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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