your thong is hanging out like whoa
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
