"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
