Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Still dying that you shit outside
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
