So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
