I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
