I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
