idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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