I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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