The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
