My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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