So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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