So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
