its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
