It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
