we have officially lost it.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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