Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize