i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
