Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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