the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
