then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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