I'm lost and stupid without you.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
