I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
