Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
