Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
